Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
