ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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