A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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