I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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