normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
