I wannas sexs uuuuu
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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