WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
