i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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