All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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