i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
