Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
