I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
