I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
