I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
