it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
