a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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