:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
