You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
