Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
