She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
