I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
