I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
