Having a random hookup so left but love u
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
