just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
