I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
