Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
