We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
