afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
