Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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