honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
