The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
