smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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