I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
