my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
