She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
