She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
