he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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