i just wanna soil my oats bro
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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