DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
