He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
