ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
