let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
