I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
