I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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