Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
