operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
