were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
