I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
