Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
