the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
