Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
