This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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